Child arrangements after a divorce or separation: A parent’s guide

Making child arrangements after separation or divorce

The breakdown of a relationship is never easy — and it can be even more challenging and emotional when children are involved. One of the most important considerations during a separation is how to make child arrangements that prioritise your children’s wellbeing.

Whether your split has been amicable or filled with disagreements, co-parenting effectively is essential to minimising emotional stress and disruption for your children. In this guide, we’ll explore the legal options, processes, and best practices for making child arrangements after a divorce or separation.

What are child arrangements?

Child arrangements refer to the decisions made about where your children will live, how often they’ll see each parent, and how decisions about their upbringing will be made. These arrangements can be made informally, through mediation, or via a legally binding court order.

Want to learn more about the legal process of divorce? Read our step-by-step guide to getting a divorce >

Steps to reaching an agreement that works for your family

1. Try to reach an agreement with your ex-partner

If you and your ex-partner are able to agree on child arrangements, you may not need to go to court. You can create a parenting plan that outlines:

• Living arrangements
• Visitation schedules
• Communication methods (e.g. phone or video calls)
• Special occasions (birthdays, holidays, etc.)

Although not legally binding, a parenting plan can help prevent future disagreements. However, we recommend seeking legal advice from a family lawyer to formalise the agreement through a consent order, which is enforceable by the courts if needed.

Benefits of settling out of court:

• Less emotional stress for children
• Lower legal costs
• Quicker and more flexible outcomes
• Encourages long-term cooperation between parents

2.Mediation and collaborative Law: alternatives to court

If you and your ex-partner are struggling to reach an agreement, you may benefit from family mediation or collaborative law. These out-of-court processes involve working with an impartial third party (a mediator or lawyer) to find mutually acceptable solutions.

Why choose mediation?

• More affordable than court proceedings
• Encourages open communication
• Focused on the best interests of the children
• Legally aided mediation may be available

3. When to apply to the family court

If informal negotiation and mediation fail, you may need to apply to the family court for a decision. This is typically seen as a last resort due to the emotional and financial impact of court proceedings.

Before you can apply, you’ll usually need to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) to explore whether mediation is a viable option.

What is a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting)?

A MIAM is a meeting where a trained mediator explains how mediation works and assesses whether it’s suitable for your situation. It’s usually a legal requirement before you can apply to court for a child arrangements order, unless you qualify for an exemption

4. What happens after a family court application?

Once an application is made, the court will schedule a directions hearing to understand the areas of agreement and dispute. Throughout this process, the welfare of the child remains the court’s top priority.

During the hearing, the court will:

• Assess any safeguarding concerns
• Encourage agreement if it is in the child’s best interest
• Issue a consent order if both parties agree
• Set out next steps if an agreement isn’t reached

Children’s wishes and feelings may be considered, depending on their age and understanding.

The court will only make a child arrangements order if it is in your child’s best interest.

5. Enforcing a child arrangements order

If one parent fails to comply with a court order, you can return to court to enforce it. However, the court will review whether:

• The breach was reasonable
• The current order remains in the child’s best interests

Modifications may be made if circumstances have changed significantly.

6. Types of family court orders for child arrangements

There are four main types of court orders related to child arrangements:

Child arrangements order

Decides where the child lives, how often they see each parent, and how contact occurs (in-person, calls, etc.).

Specific issue order

Covers decisions such as:

• School choice
• Medical care
• Religious upbringing
• Name changes

Prohibited steps order

Prevents a parent from making specific decisions about the child’s life without the other parent’s agreement.

Leave to remove order

Required when one parent wants to take the child abroad to live or for extended holidays.

FAQs

Can a child choose which parent they want to live with?

A child’s views may be taken into account by the court, especially if they are aged 12 or over and considered mature enough. However, the child’s welfare is always the most important factor — not just their preference.

What happens if my ex-partner breaks the child arrangements order?

If your ex-partner is not following a child arrangements order, you can apply to the court to enforce it. The court will assess whether the breach is justified and may vary the order if it’s no longer in the child’s best interest. In some cases, penalties can be imposed for non-compliance.

What if my situation changes — can I change the child arrangements?

Yes, child arrangements can be changed if circumstances shift significantly. If both parents agree, you can update your parenting plan. If there’s disagreement, mediation or a court application may be needed to modify the existing order.

Can I take my child on holiday without the other parent’s permission?

If a child arrangements order states the child lives with you, you can take them abroad for up to 28 days without needing consent — unless the court order says otherwise. If no such order is in place, you must obtain the other parent’s written permission or a court order.

Learn more about taking your children abroad after divorce >

Get expert legal advice for child custody matters

During, and following, a relationship breakdown, the primary focus and concern should always be the welfare of any children that are involved.

If you’re currently going through a divorce or separation involving children, our team of child custody lawyers will support and guide you through what can be an incredibly emotional journey.

Our child-centric approach never loses sight of the long-term interests of you and your children.